Day Of Thanks

On this day of thanks, I chose to reflect on all that I have to be thankful for. I am thankful for a job I love and my wonderful work family. I am thankful for a boss that has put up with my shenanigans and has always made me feel like family. I am thankful to be getting an education. Even though I get so frustrated and want to quit, I know there are lots of people who wont get the opportunity and it'll be beneficial in the end. I'm thankful for the roof over my head, the clothes on my back and the food in my stomach. I think we all take that stuff for granted sometimes.
I am thankful for books, sports and all the things that keep me entertained. I am especially thankful for the love and support from my amazing family!  For the wonderful examples that they have been for me and the lessons they've taught me. And for loving me in spite of all my flaws and shenanigans.
And finally, I am thankful for all the trials and tests of life. Without them I would not be who I am.

Regret is not a word in my vocabulary

I try not to live my life with regrets. Instead I like to think of mistakes as lessons. Ones that I can learn and grow from. We are given trials to test our strength. I've been incredibly lucky to have such strong role models in my life. I've been blessed with an amazing supportive family, something not a lot of people can say they have. In times of weakness I can draw on their strength and know that all is not lost and that they will stick by me no matter what.
I have no regrets in any area of my life. I build my strength through all those crappy situations I've had.
I have absolutely no regrets in ways of family. I have such precious memories that, yet again, not many can say they have. And I wouldn't trade them for the world.
I don't regret anything in the way of work. My strong role models have taught me by example to have a good work ethic. And I try everyday to live up to their standards. (Never will but I still try)
I try everyday to be better than I was the day before. To make my life better and make my family proud.
I live with no regrets. I am who I am today because of that. I am so thankful to those in my life. Whether it was positive or negative, you influenced me and inspired me to be better. I love you all

Hide The Sharp Objects

I am so damn tired of people and their attitudes! It's really hard trying to stay positive when you're constantly surrounded by people who bitch over the dumbest things. If your life sucks so bad DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT! Complaining 24/7 isn't going to help! Venting I understand. Everyone needs to vent and get things off their chest. But it becomes a problem when you do nothing to remedy the situation. I understand that you hate your spouse or that you feel you don't get paid enough or that you try really hard to get knocked up by some douche bag but its not going well! SHUT THE HELL UP! And for all the "men" out there, if you can feel comfortable watching a 100 pound girl do things that you are supposed to, then I think you need to surrender the title of man. You clearly are not! It's ridiculous.

When will the past just die and go away!?! I'm tired of being plagued by the mistakes of the past. Hello Im trying to move on with life! Why is that so impossible? Every time I think that Im in the clear, ready to breath again, all the ish that I've dealt with come flooding back.  Instant rage blinds me and I'm thrown around by a tornado of emotion. Hatred, fear, embarrassment, regret, self loathing and so on. To err is human right? There is a lot that I wish I could take back, but I can't. Sorry!
Depression my old friend, I may have to pay you a visit. EFF MY LIFE!

Life Is An Experiment

Life. It's amazing how quickly it can change. My life has changed drastically this year and although at times its been hard, I am stronger now then I ever have been before. I was tested in ways that probably should've broken me. I feel that I can face anything the world can throw at me. I am enjoying life, and better yet, I'M LIVING IT. I am no longer held back and beaten down  by the "no you can't"s and "you suck at life"s (although I still kinda suck at life) This feeling is incredible! I can't believe how much life I've missed out on. I'm ready to live it to the fullest. I want to experience anything and everything I  can.   Life's short and I don't want to look back and be filled with regrets. I feel empowered and for the first time in my life I feel beautiful. I am confident in my self and I now know my self worth.

Don't know what I'm talking about? I got myself out of a horrible situation, and as hard as it was I've grown and learned from it. It felt like I'd hit rock bottom. But it was all in my attitude. A hard lesson to learn. The power of thought and a positive attitude are what helped in the end. It took a lot of energy to be depressed and dwell on the mistakes of the past. I wasn't me.  I decided I was tired of being that loathsome person and changed my attitude. The results are amazing! Life just keeps getting better. I got a promotion, I'm excited about school (although when I'm there you won't hear me say that) I look forward to achieving goals and making something of myself. 

Single and ready to mingle is the name of the game. OK well maybe not exactly that, but I'm ready to have fun, meet new people and be me. Live life like a normal 20-something year old. 

Bring it on world. I'm ready for whatever you throw at me.

The Greatest Thing You'll Ever Learn Is Just To Love And Be Loved In Return

I love you. The three most dangerous words a person can say. They get thrown around like its no big deal. So I have to question is it really love? Or lust? Or is it just infatuation? Movies these days depict love as this all consuming "I can't live without you" long lasting beautiful thing. Does such a thing exist? In this day and age its difficult to say. Its all about how quickly can we get married so we can do it. What happened to romance? What happened to taking your time to really get to know a person? I've made mistakes. I've thrown around those words. And now that I've grown, I realize that its not what I want. I hate the games that people play! I hate how easy a person can hurt someone, and not feel bad about it!
So what is love? Is it getting the butterflies at the very mention of someones name? Laying your head on their chest and being soothed by the beat of their heart. Looking in their eyes and knowing that you could stay there forever. Being in someones arms and knowing that its the right place for you to be? You should feel this everyday. Not just in the beginning. Thats what I want. Its what everyone deserves. Im done playing games. I know what I want and Im not going to settle for what I dont deserve.

One finger at me, three back at you!

Ive been feeling really down lately. Which apparently is normal according to most people. Ive taken some steps to hopefully change my life for the better and people tell me its normal to feel the way I am... But its not normal to me! And I really don't like it, its not me at all! The more I think about things, the more comfortable I am with my decision. I have direction and focus and a new found sense of self worth. But that doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt. I just don't understand how someone can just throw something away so easily! And I cant shake this icky feeling! It litterally makes me sick to my stomach. I take full responsibility for my actions but what you were/are doing was worse.
I like to think that I am a very accepting person. No matter who you are or where you came from. I can get along with anyone. I try my hardest not to judge anyone, because honestly what right do I have? I am definitely not perfect, Ive got some demons and I dont pretend to be better then anyone. But it irks me when people who are no better then me think that they can make snap judgements. I've always been the kind of person that would rather have you say something to my to my face and we resolve it that way. I may not like what you have to say but I'll respect you more and take whats being said to heart. This sneaking around talking crap behind my back isnt cool. And did you honestly think that it wouldnt get back to me!?! Even when being confronted about what was said you didnt have the back bone to talk to me! Ha! Its really pathetic. But before you point those fingers at me stop for a second and take a look at your own life. Because yet again you are no better then me. I have reasons for doing what I do. And why do I matter so much to you anyway? Why am I playing such a big role in your life? Are you so completely bored with your own life that you need to create unnecessary drama in other peoples lives to fullfill some sick pleasure?
Any way like I said I have focus and am hell bent on making something of myself and not let petty ignorant people keep me down anymore. And that is the best revenge. In 10 years I'll be living the great life that I plan on having while you are stuck right where you are now. Its a sad thought but it does give me comfort. And no matter how much you try to put me down or try to make me think Im nothing without you, or even try to make it seem that YOU are better off without ME, it wont work. Even though Im down right now, Im still happier then I was being with you. I honestly wish the best for you. But I also wish that you will feel the regret hardcore! And that people will tell you how stupid you are for letting me go.  The end